Notes On Listening

Adapted from “On Principled Leadership: It’s Person, Not the Title” by Lance Giroux, published September 2002, in the University of San Francisco Graduate Business Journal*


Do you truly hear what other people are saying, or do you just catch the words and wait to put forward your own opinion? When you are listening to others, what are your agreement patterns? Are you aware of the foundations upon which you base these agreements? What pattern does your automatic disagreement take? Do you hastily disagree out of a need to be heard or to be right?

As you become aware of your quick responses, give yourself permission to go deeper. Listen deeply, with all of your faculties, to what is going on, and in those moments, suspend your judgment of self and others. Step aside from your automatic responses and honestly ask yourself: “What is the basis for my reactions whenever I hear something I like or something I dislike? How long have I been doing this? When did it start for me? What price do I pay for this approach? What does it really get me? What do my actions and reactions produce in the lives of other people?”

This practice of self reflection is fundamental for those who want to grow in their ability to practice the art of leadership and for organizations that want to practice the art of teamwork.

To simplify consider this … there are basically three ways we can listen. Most people spend most of their time doing unproductive listening. Few people practice productive listening. How about you?

Listening Way #1. Believe everything that other people say.

When do you do this? You are listening to someone talking (or you observe them doing something) and you get caught up in their story, and soon without awareness you automatically find yourself agreeing with everything comes out of their mouth. Why? Because, what they are saying fits your past patterns of acceptability. Maybe they remind you of someone you once met that you liked. What ever it is your head starts to bob up and down, your mouth smiles, you relax

Listening Way #2. Be skeptical about everything that other people say.

When do you do this? You are listening to someone talking (or you observe them doing something) and you start resisting what they are saying, and soon without awareness you automatically find yourself disagreeing with whatever comes out of their mouth. Why? Because, what they are saying fits your past patterns of unacceptability. Maybe they remind you of someone you once met that you distained. Whatever it is, your head starts to shake from side to side, your teeth start to grind, your hands get tight and you get tense.

Both these ways … Listening Way #1 and Listening Way #2 … are unproductive, because they involve no self reflection.

Listening Way #3. Self Examination.

It goes like this.

Hear what someone says (or observe what they do).

Notice your own internal and external responses. Do you find yourself agreeing? Do you find yourself relaxing? Are you drawn closer to that person? Do you hear past voices in your own thinking that sound similar? Do you find yourself disagreeing? Do you find yourself mentally arguing? Do you find yourself getting physically tense? OR … are you bored?

However it is that you find yourself responding is OK … because it gives you the opportunity to learn about yourself.

WHAT TO DO … Imagine that you can step outside your body, and look back at yourself. Then imagine that you can poke that person (your other self) in the arm. Then imagine that you can ask that person (your other self):

HEY, WAKE UP … WHY ARE YOU REACTING THAT WAY? WHY ARE YOU AGREEING … WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU (YOURSELF) THAT WANTS TO AGREE WITH THIS?

Or WHY ARE YOU DISAGREEING … WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU (YOURSELF) THAT WANTS TO DISAGREE WITH THIS PERSON?

Or WHY ARE YOU BORED … OR WHATEVER THE REACTION YOU ARE HAVING? WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU (YOURSELF) THAT IS CREATING THIS BORED (OR OTHER) REACTION?

When you do this, your mind will begin to dish up some answers. If you are calm and can wait and wade through things it will tell you about yourself, what it is about you that has formed opinions about what your are hearing. From this you can learn and take productive action in a responsible fashion.

Simply put, the art of Listening The Third Way hinges on one’s ability to BE HERE NOW.



©Lance Giroux, 2006


*note: to request and obtain a pdf file of the complete article
“On Principled Leadership, It’s the Person, Not the Title”
send email to AlliedRonin@aol.com